When Life Doesn't Go As Planned

I had a plan for my life since I was 12. I was going to go to college, do a study abroad, serve a mission for my church, and travel the world. But I became a teenage bride at 19.

That was not the plan.

I had to quickly graduate from college (3 years) so I could put my husband through business school. Then came New York City, temp jobs, a bit of illustrating, opera lessons, and five minutes of modeling. Then I had a baby.

That was the plan.

I had always wanted to be a mom, and even though I had had all of these dreams to do amazing things, I also dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to give my kids the life I had had.  You know, freshly baked cookies after school, forts in the yard, practicing the piano, and being there for them.

Life was really good for a while.

Then came the divorce after nearly 25 years of marriage.

That was not the plan.

No more cookies after school. No more forts at 3 pm. No more piano practice together. I had to learn how to build a career while still being there for my five kids. It was harder than I thought it would be.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

• Raising a family is hard work.
• Building a career is hard work.
• Doing both is the hardest.

And yet, starting over in my 40s taught me something I didn’t know before: It’s never too late to rebuild, reimagine, and rediscover yourself.

It’s also why I started Elavare--to help mothers who are standing at the edge of “what now?” feel less alone as they step into what’s next.

If you’re in a season of change, here are a few things that helped me:

1. Start small. Updating your LinkedIn, dusting off your resume, taking a course--these are small but important steps.
2. Find your champions. Connect with a friend, a former coworker, or another mother who understands. You don’t have to do this alone.
3. Give yourself permission to be new at something. You were new at motherhood once, too. It’s okay to feel uncertain as you learn.
4. Remember, your skills didn’t disappear. Organizing a household, advocating for your children, managing a family budget--these are real, transferable skills.

Keep showing up. For yourself, your family, and your goals. It may look different, but you’re still there.